Self-care is self-love

A few years ago I came across the book, “Dying To Be Me” written by Anita Moorjani.  It is an in-depth true story of her own encounter with death.

After 4 years suffering from cancer, she has a near-death experience and she virtually wakes up free of cancer.

She shares her story and her message in the book as well as on-stage speaking.  Her message is all about self-love and honoring who you truly are. I highly recommend the read and if you get the chance to see her in person, it is truly life-changing.

From the moment I finished her book, her message of self-love has stayed with me.  She talks about how much self-judgement we have and how we judge everything that we do, from what we are eating, to what out body looks like, to the house we live in, to our work, to our relationships. It is everywhere in our lives and it is really detrimental to our well-being.

And what we really need is self-love, to truly love ourselves and who we are.

What I have found on my own personal self-love journey is that self-care is necessary because it is a way to show yourself that you love yourself enough to take care of your own needs.  It is a way in, a way to teach yourself how to love.

The more self-love you have the less self-judgment you endure.

And the other thing that happens is that when you truly care for yourself and truly love yourself, you will deeply care and love the people around you, even more than before.

You will judge less and love more.  And you will be judged less and loved more.

It is a cycle and it all works together.  It is a really beautiful thing.

With Love + Appreciation,

Shauna

PS:   Sometimes I get asked, well I don’t know what to do?  I am doing so much already I don’t have time for self-care.  What I ask is: What does self-care look like to you?  What does self-care mean to you?  It is different for everyone and sometimes it means doing less not more.  Sometimes it means finding the moments in your life where you can simply take deep breaths.  Sometimes it is a walk around the block with your young child, taking in the trees and the flowers.  It is about doing less not more!

Why create a morning and evening ritual

There was a time in my life when I was in a hurry, I wanted to get to the next moment in time, and I was uncomfortable in certain social situations.  It was that way for a long time in my teens and 20’s.

But I wasn’t that way when I was young.  So I knew it was not my nature.  I was young and vibrant and funny and silly.

Self-care has allowed me to find my truth again, my young and vibrant and funny and silly self as well as my adult self, which looks more like grounded and peaceful and loving and very comfortable. 

It has also guided me to live in connection with something greater than myself, which has brought me back home to my natural way of being.

Why?  Because when I listen for what I need and then I give it to myself, I develop a stronger connection with my soul.  And it guides me in any given situation if I am willing to listen.

Self-care has also opened the doors for a deep love and caring for other people in my life. Icing on the cake!

My routine has changed over the years.  I used to practice a lot of yoga (mainly asana, the poses). I took a lot of classes from yoga to meditation to massage.

Now I spend more time looking within for the answers.  I have a morning and evening routine.  I find these routines to be stable and something I can rely on.

It doesn’t always look the same but it has a purpose.  My morning routine serves to ground and connect and ask for guidance and help for the day.  It sets me up for success.

My evening routine serves to heal and release any fear I developed throughout the day.  And it aids in deep sleep which is one of the most important self-care rituals I do, sleep.

I invite you to create a morning routine and evening routine for yourself, even if it is for 5 minutes and then set aside the time to do it daily or at least 6 days a week. Fill it with whatever your heart desires.

Some ideas may be:
Meditation
Yoga
Breathing
Self-Healing Session
Self-Massage
Journaling
Sitting Outside
Walking Outside
Morning Tea or Coffee
Reading Passages from your favorite book
Reading from a deck of self-help cards
Burning Incense or essential oils

How to align your life with your cycle

It’s April, it’s Spring, and I am so excited to delve into the topic of self-care.  I know the importance of it in my own life and I know that without self-care I would be a mess.

To me self-care means anything that you need in any given moment that is going to bring you the feelings of goodness, joy, relaxation, and peace.

Let’s face it, we all have a whole lot to do.  We are friends, sisters, daughters, wives’, mothers and with that comes a whole lot of responsibility. I believe women are meant to be the caregivers.  Innately, we are meant to care for our families and friends.

I also believe that we cannot truly care for others unless we are deeply caring for ourselves.

Now that means something different to each one of us and so this month I am doing a deep dive into self-care.  Talking about all the ways in which we can truly care for ourselves and finding out what practices will serve you best.

One of my favorite practices is to pay attention to my cycle and give myself what I need based on what part of my cycle I am in.

Each month we go through physical, mental, and emotional states of change.

There are four parts to our cycle.

1. Follicular (7-10 days).  This stage starts on the first day after your period ends. Your physical energy increases and your creativity is high.  You feel more outgoing so social situations are appealing.  Eat light and vibrant foods and exercise, it will be fun.

2. Ovulatory (3-4 days). This is when your egg is released and your uterine lining increases. Connection and communication are heightened during this time.  You feel your best and you look your best.  It is a good time for difficult conversations and date nights. Eat greens and fruits and exercise at high impact.

3. Luteal (10-14 days). This is when you physical energy starts to decrease and you begin to turn inward. You may feel irritable and impatient. It’s a good time to do chores and organize. This phase, especially near the end is an important self-care time. Read books, take baths, do yoga. Eat warm veggies and dark leafy greens.

4. Menstrual (3-7 days). This is the bleeding phase and you feel tired and crampy.  Emotions are plentiful.  But your intuition is high.  It is a good time to journal and self-reflect and practice being in the moment. Eat Fruits and veggies and soups and green tea. Restorative yoga is key during this phase.

The great thing about knowing these phases is you can become aware of them in your own body and plan your days and months accordingly.

If money wasn't necessary...

When it comes to money what’s better?

…being a kid having none

…a young adult having some

…an older adult managing a lot

….or a famous rich person.

I’m not sure I know the answer for myself because money is a funny thing, it makes life easier and more complicated.

If money wasn’t necessary, what would you do with your life?

Would you be working where you are currently working?

Would you be with the partner your currently with?

Would you be living where you currently live?

Would you be doing the things you are currently doing?

Maybe your answer to these questions is a huge YES but most likely there is a hint of a NO somewhere in the answer to one or all of those questions. Or maybe a huge NO.

You see if money were no object things would be different and that’s what makes money so complicated.

It prevents us from living a life we truly desire.

Unless we are aware of that and then we can use our money wisely and go for the life we truly want. We can use it for its purpose, to be who we want, to go where we want, and to have what we want.

And not in a selfish, ego-driven way, but in a true way.  A way which supports are true desires.

What Is Your Money Story?

Money…..my oh my!  It is such a big topic and a good one for me, I must say.

I have had so many conversations around money this past week.  Some with my readers, some with my friends, some with family.

What I have learned is that each of us has a completely different relationship with money.  Each of us values money differently, and each of us chooses to spend our money differently.

But what I loved the most is within each of these conversations I learned their money story and it taught me something about myself, something about my own money story.

My client Rhonda used to have a difficult relationship with money and has since turned it into a great relationship.  She owns a home, she has maximized her employer retirement savings, she has a college fund for each of her 5 grandchildren, and she has enough money to do what she wants.  Could she have more, of course, but she is pleasant and happy with what she has.  

Before this conversation I felt it was too late to truly change my relationship with money but I learned that it is never too late, it just takes focus and commitment.

My friend Kris had little money when she was young and she has since provided herself with a beautiful home, which is something she’s always wanted.  She takes impeccable care of her home and garden and makes it a space she totally loves. She has money for others things as well but spends most of it on her home because it is the most important thing to her.  And she is so happy doing that.

Before this conversation I didn’t completely accept that you must make sacrifices in order to have what you truly desire. My husband and I want the same thing, we want to purchase a home we can design and care for. But we haven’t been willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make that happen. That must change.

My mom was a survivor when it came to money. My dad was totally irresponsible with money. She couldn’t fully depend on him so she had to go out and make a living to support us. My dad was a nice guy, he worked, and he was smart but he was terrible with money. She bought multiple homes, supported us through college, and retired comfortably even though she had little stability when we were growing up.

Before this conversation I didn’t realize where my money stories originated.  Now I know. I would ultimately love to help my husband support our family as an entrepreneur.  I have always wanted to own my own successful business but my stories are limiting me. The “I will do what it takes” story isn’t helping me. It is time to change my story.

Can you believe that having a conversation around a topic will actually teach you something about it?!?  I say that jokingly but I don’t think we realize how much conversations will help.  It may seem like you have to solve your own problems, it may seem scary to ask questions, it may seem vulnerable to open up about your struggles, and it is. But those tools, asking questions and telling your story will open you up in ways you never imagined possible, they will help you develop a better relationship with yourself.

Eckhart Tolle once said, if you want to learn about something ask questions and then keep asking questions. That is exactly what I got out of this week when it came to money. I asked, I was open, and I received.

These are my takeaways this week:

1.  Learn your own money story, what is it?  How did you relate to money as a young child, as a teenager, as a young adult, a mother, a wife.  How do you relate to money now. Write down your story at each stage of your life.

2. Ask questions.  Ask questions, be open, and receive.  Look for people in your life that are living the way you want to live, doing the things you want to do.  Ask them how they got there.

3.  Learn about your partner’s money story.  Ask your partner.  Your understanding of their story is pertinent to building a life together.

4.  Learn about your mom’s and/or dad’s money story.  Ask your parents.  Your understanding of their money story is pertinent to understanding yours.

Comment below, let me know which action item resonates with you the most and why?

A new way to track your money

Last week I asked you if you wanted to change your relationship with money and you responded.  I received so many comments (thank you)!  Some of you said YES, some of you said no, and some of you questioned what that actually meant.

You got me excited because I realized the importance of this topic and I also realized that I am not alone, most of us want to change our relationship with money.

And so I begin with this money changing attitude trick.

About a month ago I came across a blog written by “Lucky Bitch”, the money teacher. She said instead of focusing on what you are spending, focus on what you are making. I had never heard that before. I do my usual accounting and know what I am making and what I am spending but I have never tracked what I am MAKING….DAILY.

She says “Money tracking daily keeps you mindful of what’s actually going on in your life, helps you appreciate the abundance around you, and sometimes gets your butt into gear to make more money.  But most of all – it stops you feeling bad about money and making up stories about your ability to earn money (Denise Duffield-Thomas).

I don’t know about you, but I was sold on that last part, it stops you feeling bad about money and making up stories about your ability to earn money.  That is definitely something I struggle with.

So what did I do, I started money tracking daily.  And holy moly, it has been such an eye opener.  First, I am having so much fun jotting down all the money I am making.  And if I find change around the house, I count it as money I am making and it goes directly in my wallet.  Many days it is $0.25 or $0.52 and then there are days where I am making a lot more than that.

This is what I have learned so far with this money changing attitude trick:

1. ALL MONEY IS VALUABLE. We put value on money itself. We value a $10 bill more than we value a penny.  We don’t get excited about money unless it is a significant amount. But in reality, it is all valuable, money is money.

2. OUR ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.  We aren’t always happy about the money we make.  We may think we should make more or we may feel that it is not enough.  Our attitude shapes our reality about money. Excitement around making money is vital to making more.

3.  OUR VALUE IS NOT DEPENDENT ON WHAT WE MAKE. We think we need to earn lots of money to be of value. This is totally false and untrue.

4.  APPRECIATE AND TAKE CARE OF EVERY CENT YOU MAKE. We don’t truly appreciate what we are making even though we many think we do.  It is said that more abundance will enter your life if you truly appreciate what you already have.  I can see how this is very true and how we may think we are truly appreciating our money when in fact we are not.

If money is something you worry about or struggle with, try this money changing attitude trick.  Track the money you are making, every single day.  Thank you “Lucky Bitch”!  Be careful, it may totally shift your mind set 

In the comments below, let me know what resonates with you, if you focus more on spending money or more on making money. And let me know if you have any tips or tricks on how we can all better our relationship with money. I would love to hear them.

Let’s change our relationship with money

A couple of months ago I wrote this about TIME,

“As much as possible, I spend my time on things that matter to me. I enjoy spending time doing nothing.  I spend my time wisely and I am very organized and efficient with my time.  And I really appreciate and receive time.”

And then I wrote this about MONEY,

“I want to be able to spend money on things that really matter to me and I want to spend it on nothing. I want to spend my money wisely and be very organized and efficient with my money. I want to allow money to flow in and really receive it with appreciation and joy.”

Money is a complicated topic. It is one of those things I struggle with in my mind. I think we all do or at least a lot of us.

I don’t have enough. I do have enough. I need more.  I don’t need more.  I wish I had more.  I don’t need more.  It is back and forth craziness.

This month I have decided to take on the topic of money. One month doesn’t seem long enough, it seems like a topic that may take years to really figure out but I am willing to dive deep this month to change my relationship with money. 

What about you?  How do you feel about money? Would you love to change you relationship with it?  Let me know in the comments below.

And if you answered yes, let’s take hands and join together and figure out this whole money thing. I promise you I will look at this subject over the next month and bring you everything I discover.

Let’s do this.  Holy moly.

5 Tips To Expand Your Time

One of our biggest, greatest, excuses as to why we aren’t doing what we really want to be doing is that we don’t have enough TIME.  

I firmly believe it is an excuse but I also know how difficult it is to change your state of mind so that you have more time, more freedom to do the things you love to do, the things that bring you total peace and happiness.

It takes time to change your relationship with time but it is absolutely possible!

I know because if I can do it so can you. Over the past several years I have slowed down time in my life.   I rarely every use the word busy or overwhelmed or the phrase, “I don’t have enough time.”

Many years ago I was anxious about time.  I wanted it to speed up, slow down, stop. I was all over the place. My to-do list was long and never done.  I wasn’t spending time doing the things that really made me happy.  I ran from one thing to another. And I was not present in my life at all.  I don’t even remember many of the things that I did because my mind was always someplace else.

Sometimes I find myself falling back into these old habits but thankfully I have tools to pull me out and they work every time. They will expand your time! 

1.  Meditate – Either seated or lying down, be quiet and still EVERY single day for at least 5 minutes.
BONUS: You will also receive more clarity and peace and gain more patience.

2.  Do Yoga – Take time for yourself to practice yoga and breathe, slow your body and mind down.
BONUS: It will also bring you better health.

3.  Declutter your home – Keep only the things that bring you joy.  And then organize and find a home for each thing
BONUS: This will also bring you more peace.

4.  Say NO – Say NO more often so you can say YES to what matters.  Choose how you will spend your time. Decide what is truly important to you so that you can use your time for those things.  And stay true to yourself, only you know what will serve you in each moment and what will not.
BONUS: You will also be happier.

And last but not least, my favorite practice of all time, haha!

5.  Know that all is perfect – Deeply know that everything is happening exactly as it should.  Everything is perfect and you are exactly where you need to be in this moment. Anytime you feel anxious about time, repeat these words.

“There is nothing wrong in this moment, I am well and happy, I have plenty of time and I am exactly where I need to be”.  [Tweet it! ] 

BONUS: This will also bring you a whole lotta peace.

Why Create Space In My Body

Last week I sent out a video about creating space in your hips, which many of you loved.  Who doesn’t love some good hip openers?!? They may be painful but they are gooooood!

One of the questions I received was: How does that actually work, creating space in my body? And beyond the body, WHY is that good for me and WHY should I care?  

On a basic level our bodies are made up of bones, muscles, organs, blood, and connective tissue.  The fascial sheath, is a web of connective tissue that surrounds our entire body and holds everything in place.

If we don’t move our bodies, the fascial sheath builds up and eventually prevents us from being able to sit and stand up straight.  When the body doesn’t stand up straight, the bones and organs endure pressure and compression.

Imagine working at a computer for long periods of time; you find yourself hunching forward, right!?! I am doing it right now  Now imagine doing that for years and years. You will eventually stay in that position. Your chest cavity closes, your neck muscles remain tight, you have lost space in your rib cage and in your lungs.

From the small movement of rolling your shoulders back and lifting your chest regularly you begin to open up the space and break up the connective tissue within your body, allowing your chest cavity to expand, your neck muscles to relax, your lungs and rib cage to expand which means deeper breathing and a more relaxed state of mind. 

It is such an important piece of understanding WHY we practice yoga because it is easy to get caught up in the larger yoga movements, the more bendy poses, trying to touch our toes when the body is not ready or forcing ourselves into a backbend only to walk away feeling pain in the low back.

It is not about the big poses or the hard poses, it is about the subtle movements that begin to awaken the true space within the body. 

And when we awaken the true space within the body, it allows our minds to awaken and become spacious. More on this next week…

How To Gain More Clarity

Last month I was blessed with this little book called “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo.

Have you heard of it?  Many of you probably have and if you haven’t, check it out because it is becoming quite the phenomenon.

It is all about cleaning out your clutter and keeping only the things that spark total joy, and then finding a place for each and everything in your home.

She promises that it will keep you tidy, mess-free, and bring you more clarity into what you truly want in your life.

Who doesn’t want that???

I was going to wait until January to read it because I was in the middle of another book but I couldn’t stop looking at it.

One night after putting my boys to bed, I decided I was just going to look through it. A little sneak peak into my January adventure.  That sneak peak turned into reading half the book and then waking up in the morning and raiding my closet for the clothes, shoes, etc that spark total joy in my life.

2 hours later I was headed to donate 3 huge bags of clothes, shoes, jewelry, hats. I got rid of two-thirds of my closet.

After dropping them off, I felt a rush of anxiety, “what had I done”, I thought.  What if I want that skirt again or that necklace or those pair of shoes. I thought about how I could go back to the goodwill store and re-purchase them. And then I took a deep breath and let the fear of “not having enough” dissipate.

As the day drew dark I realized that I had space in my closet.  I had a smaller hamper, less choices to make about what to wear, I loved everything in my closet.

I realized that this small change, having less clothes was going to bring me more clarity which is something I had prayed for only a few weeks before.

And then I realized that CLARITY was going to officially become my Word of 2016.

And then more clarity came.  What else could I do to create more clarity and bring you more of what you want?  And it arrived like a lightening bolt. I would take one topic each month and study it and gain more clarity.  And each week I would bring you the information that I learned.  Deal?

This month, this January, is all about space and time.  How to create more space in your life, physically, mentally, and emotionally and how creating more space relates to having more time which leads to clarity.

I can tell you one thing already, if you want more clarity, tidying your space with things that ONLY spark joy is #1.

These are my hypothesis’ of course, let’s see if they ring true.