Why is feeling our emotions so important?

Today I went to the gym and I was doing thigh work and it was burning. I’ve been doing thigh work for years and it still burns and it still isn’t easy but my muscles have changed and become so much stronger because of it.

I recognized while doing the work that our muscles and bodies change from allowing ourselves to go to those uncomfortable places.

Yoga is the same. When you get into a pose and stay, there is a point to where it gets uncomfortable for the body.  The muscles feel tired or tight. The only way to create change in the body is by staying and breathing through the places that feel uncomfortable. It isn’t about pushing ourselves more, it’s about being with the pain.

The same is true for our emotions.  When we sit in the pain of the emotion, we begin to change.  When we avoid it, run away from it, judge it, tell ourselves we are wrong or let others tell us we are wrong for feeling the way we do, we will not look for the information in it that allows us to transform our lives and make better decisions.

I talk more about this on this video today.

Watch the video and in the comments below, let us know which emotions you shy away from.

Worry and anxiety

Since really exploring all of these emotions, I have realized that feeling is one of the most important aspects of living.  When we can truly feel everything our response system heightens and we are able to respond to any situation with all of our senses. In this way we actually experience safety.

This is counterintuitive.  It seems that when we truly feel ALL of it, we will have to shield or guard ourselves. But actually what we discover is the opposite. The more we feel, the more we know how to respond which keep us safe. I will talk more about this in the next blog.

For now, let’s talk anxiety and worry. Anxiety and worry are future focused emotions. They are definitely time based emotions, as you will discover in my examples below.

When I experience anxiety or worry (which was one of my go to emotions for a long time) I am concerned with something that is potentially going to happen in the future. Potentially being the key word here.

So what is the information in it? Especially if it is based on something we anticipate could happen.

If you are worried or have anxiety, look at what your thoughts are. What are you feeling anxious about? What are you feeling worried about?

Then ask yourself if there is any truth in it. Do you have actual past experiences that prove you right?

Anxiety or worry is based on something we feel we don’t have control over. We tend to blame ourselves for it and we don’t trust the outcome of our life.

Guess what, we have little control over anything actually. Anything at all. We have control over how we respond to any given situation and that’s about it.

So it is an emotion that teaches us to let go! To surrender! To trust the process of our life.

Worry and anxiety takes us away from our current life. They takes us away from the beauty that is right in front of us.

It also means that whoever or whatever we are worried or anxious about are really important to us. We only worry or feel anxious about things we care A LOT about.

There is probably some kind of reassurance we desire and a kind of way we are not trusting.

Both are important when we feel these emotions. We will probably have to ask for some kind of support or create some kind of system that lessens this emotion and helps us to feel in control. Usually it relates to communication of some sort or an action we must take.

And then we must learn to let go and trust and realize we do not have control over the outcome of our love life, business, money, death, traffic, or anything else.

A long time ago I worried every time my husband would get into the car and drive somewhere. I worried he was going to get in an accident. If I saw an accident on the freeway or heard of one I would worry it was him. When I felt into the anxiety and worry, I realized that it was because I loved him so much I didn’t want anything to happen to him. And so I communicated that to him. I told him my worry and my feelings and I asked him to support me by letting me know if he was going to be later than expected. Or where he might have gone that is different than expected. At first I had to remind him several times because he would forget but after a while he remembered and now he always does it and I don’t worry anymore. I had to also work with trusting that he would be okay no matter what and so would I. While not easy, I would repeat trust the process, trust the process, trust the process, this is love, this is love, over and over.

I also used to worry about being late. I would get so anxious every time the clock struck 12:00 or 3:00 or 5:00 (whatever time I was suppose to arrive) and I was still in the car traveling to my destination. I realized that for me it was respectful and important for others to know that when I say I will be somewhere, I will be there. I related being late to being disrespectful. I worried others would be waiting on me and potentially be worried about me. I worried others might be angry at me for making them wait. When I realized all this I decided respect also comes in communication of being late. If I communicate about my time then I could relax. As soon as I know I am going to be late, I let the person I am meeting know and it relieves my emotion. In this example I would also say to myself, trust the process, trust that I will arrive exactly when I am supposed to.

So I began to trust the process of my life. I began to trust that everything happens for a reason and that I was not in control.  I relaxed into my life. Trust was a huge for releasing this emotion. And it was on of the greatest lessons I have learned.

I notice too that stimulants such as caffeine can create more worry or anxiety. So if you feel these emotions often and you struggle with them, you may want to think about staying away from coffee for a while 

Otherwise feel it, be with it, take action to communicate and trust and move on.

1. Feel the emotion

2. Notice what you are worried or anxious about.

3. Take action or communicate to relieve it.

4. Become present to your surroundings.

5. Have gratitude and become aware of opportunities that are right in front of you.

6. Say to yourself, “Trust The Process”

What is sadness an expression of?

Let’s look at sadness next. This is one of my favorite emotions to move through because it usually involves some sort of crying. I love to cry because it is such a release and when I cry I am able to really feel the emotions coming through and the truth comes out. Yep, sadness is an expression of THE.TRUTH.

If you are looking for the truth in an experience you are bound to find it in your tears. 

I usually cry when I am grieving the loss of someone but I also cry when I am aware of the truth. Both of which brings me to awareness of what is truly important to me.

It gives me information about who I am and what I truly desire. It allows me to feel my fears and release them. It brings me back to wholeness if I have felt lost, it brings me back into balance emotionally, and it shows me new possibility. It is a blessing!

I felt sadness the other day when I saw my son lying on the ground looking up at the sky. He had just went through a difficult moment and felt the urge to lie down on the grass and look up at the sky. I found him there and decided to lie down next to him. I said to him, it’s hard sometimes and then he laid his head on my chest and we cried together. I could feel his sadness and it invoked mine. At that moment I realized there was nothing more important than being there with him. And that being in that moment was nurturing for our relationship. It was a beautiful moment of shared sadness.

After we lay there for a bit we got up and had some ice cream together.

And that’s it! It can be that simple if you allow yourself to feel it.

Are your fears released through sadness? Can you get through the tidal wave of sadness to some kernel of truth? Let us know in the comments below.

With Love + SO much Appreciation,

Shauna

What is anger telling us?

The other night I found myself lying in bed. My body was tense, hot and restless.  My mind was spinning in a circle with no way out. My body was restless.  My skin was hot.  I was mad.

I took a deep breath and said to myself, okay so you’re angry.  So be angry.  Yell if you want.  Let yourself spin in circles. Be ANGRY!

Then I looked for the information in the anger.  I asked myself, why are you REALLY angry?

I was angry because I hadn’t gotten what I wanted.

Just like when your child throws a tantrum in the store because they want something and you tell them no, this is exactly what I was experiencing.

But the difference is…I hadn’t asked for it.  (This is key)

My boundaries were totally out of whack.  I said one thing but expected something else!  I had not communicated my boundaries in a very clear and concise way. So when I didn’t get what I wanted it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but my own.

After the experience I was able to look at my boundaries more closely and decide what I truly wanted.  And I was able to communicate them clearly and effectively.  Effectively being most important.

Anger has information in it.  

If you could see my anger in my body, it lives in my chest and stomach and head and it is red in color. It is hot and fast.

If I am not aware of it I may yell at another person or punch someone or put someone down.  All of which are so not cool because it leads to all sorts of problem for us and our relationships with others.

If we allow ourselves to feel it and take it as information then we can reveal the truth in the emotion.

Anytime we are angry it has to do with our boundaries. We have either violated our own boundaries or we need to create some.

One of my boundaries is that I need to wind down at the end of the night.  I need to put my kids to bed and then take time to myself…whether it be to watch a show with my husband or read in bed or plan the following day or clean up the house or give a healing to myself. Whatever I choose to do I NEED that time.

I used to lay with my boys when I put them to bed and I felt that I needed to do that because they were going to grow up fast and not want me to lay in bed with them.  But doing this every single night got in the way of my winding down time and I was feeling resentful and getting angry with them.  There were lots of fights at bedtime mostly because I was feeling resentful.

So I ended it! One night at dinner I told them that I was not going to lie with them in bed.  And I stuck to it.  It has been a year now and even when I desire to lay with them I don’t because they will ask for it back and it was difficult enough to say no once and I don’t want to do it again.

Anger is an important emotion and it is important to channel it correctly. If we can fully feel it, be aware of it, and to accept it, the information will bring about an important change.  

Processing our emotions in a healthy way leads to a balanced way of being and an authentic way of living.

Can you think of a moment of anger that you have experienced? And in those situations can you identify some sort of boundary issue? Don’t worry about crafting a perfect comment..just let your thoughts roll out into our comment section!

With Love + SO much Appreciation,

Shauna

What are our emotions telling us?

When we are in the midst of chosen change, when we are changing a personality trait, a behavior, a belief system, or a lifestyle there is a part of the process where we have to let go of something in order to create something new.

The letting go can be painful and emotional. It can come with sadness, depression, anxiety and/or fear. All of these emotions are telling us something and it is important that we allow the process of emotions to happen so that we can move into the new with as much ease as possible.

It seems feeling our emotions would be more difficult but in actuality feeling them is easier and gives us vital information.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says, “Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” Yes, yes, and yes!

Most of us have learned to dissociate from our emotions because we were taught to.  When we were young and we cried, our parents tried to fix it right away, saying things like “don’t be sad, how can we fix this?”  In school, if we got angry, we were sent to the principals office which taught us that anger is bad.

And yet these are relevant human emotions that are part of our human experience.  But because we were taught that these emotions are bad, we dissociated ourselves from them which has translated to all sorts of problems. We use drugs, alcohol, food, and other sorts of distractions to dissociate from truly feeling.

What if we allowed ourself to truly feel in any given moment?  To be present with ourselves.  To accept what we are going through and use it as information to ease the process of change.  What if we realized that emotions let us know where we are out of balance and gives us the tools to get back into balance?

I am pretty certain, the world would be a totally different place.

So what are these emotions telling us?

In the next couple of emails, I will share with you what our emotions are telling us. 

Stay tuned!

Start the ball rolling by sharing emotions that have overwhelmed you. In that moment of experiencing the emotion, what were the thoughts going through your head at the time? How did you deal with the emotions?

Kindness matters

Yesterday I spent the day at the ballpark with my family.  My boys were dying for some ice cream. What kid doesn’t want hotdogs and cotton candy and nachos and everything else the ballpark has to offer.

I walked up to the counter and asked for two scoops of ice cream in a bowl with chocolate sauce on top.  The woman behind the counter looked at me and turned to her manager and repeated my order. Her manager quickly said, “We can’t do that?” I thought, “Do what, serve ice cream?”  Curious, I asked, “Why not?” She replied, “Well it will be $4.00 extra for chocolate sauce.”  “Oh”, I said. “That’s not a problem.”

She looked at me and then proceeded to come over to tell me how most customers get mad at her for saying it costs more money. She then expressed her nervousness around stating the prices especially since management had just raised them.  She felt so thankful that I didn’t make a big deal of it.

Then she told the woman scooping the ice cream to give us three scoops instead of two and not to charge us for the chocolate sauce. AND she opened up a fresh new batch of ice cream for us.

Wow I thought. I felt so much more abundant by simply being kind and not making a big deal about $4.00.  

And then something even better happened. I went to grab a cup of tea and she said, “That will be $6.50.”  I proceeded to give her the money and she said, “Actually it will be free for you.”

I was so incredibly grateful.

The thing is I wasn’t expecting to get anything for free. I am at the ballpark creating memories with my children and in my opinion there is no reason to feel upset about $4.

It isn’t typical for me to get upset about money because I always know that I have a choice. I can either purchase the ice cream with chocolate sauce or not. That is the choice.  No reason to get upset about it.

It is important to let go of your expectations of what things should be like and enjoy yourself. If you are going to the ballpark, go to the ballpark and BE KIND.

Don’t worry about what things will cost or who is sitting behind you, or what is happening on social media. Relax, be with your kids and ENJOY YOURSELF.

Make it easy on yourself. Life is difficult enough.

Take a moment and share with us a recent moment of kindness.  Whether it was you or something else showing kindness we would love to hear about it.

Acceptance is necessary

Acceptance is absolutely necessary when going through changes within the spiritual growth process. It is actually a thought process that is essential for finding happiness, joy, and true love of self.

Last year I attended a meeting at my kids elementary school. We were having a discussion around adding an enrichment program to our school to move it forward. Many of the other schools in our are have one in place. There were such ideas as a science program and a gate program. I was disappointed in the meeting as a whole. It wasn’t because the programs that were being requested weren’t great, it was because we don’t already have one in place. I walked away feeling a bit angry. I was not in acceptance of what is. I had this strong feeling that I wanted to take my kids right out of the school and move them.

After letting my feelings loose by speaking about them with my closest advisors and my family, I knew from past experiences that acceptance was key to moving myself forward.

I took a deep breathe and realized that I wasn’t accepting what is and began the process.

I began seeing the strong aspects of the school, noting what is good.

And then it dawned on me that what I want to see in the school is a strong mindful program where our kids could learn respect for themselves and others.

I began to see the opportunity that was right in front of me.

Why had I been at that meeting? Why was I there? The answers revealed themselves but only after I allowed myself to be in full acceptance of what was and is.

I imagine there is something you are going through right now that could use your full acceptance. Let’s begin the practice of acceptance.

1. Call up a close advisor, one you trust and tell them how you feel about it. Communicate your feelings so that you can see the truth of what is happening.

2. Allow the feelings to be there and experience them fully.  When we experience uncomfortable feelings they are revealing something to us. They are a way for us to inquire within to wonder what is going on.  If we don’t fully experience them, they will turn into pain. If we breath and fully feel them, they turn into choice.

3. Look at the positive side of what is happening. Notice and write down the positive parts of the experience.  The things you may not be noticing that are good.

4. Surrender so that the opportunity can reveal itself. When you surrender, you FULLY accept and let go of the outcome. You don’t worry about what might happen or hold onto what is currently happening.  In this way, the opportunity will reveal itself.

Don’t let the thoughts in your head tell you to hold on tight. Say over and over, I fully accept this moment, this situation as it is. I trust the process.

Practice this until you are in full acceptance.

Keep practicing it in every situation you encounter.

Fill up your acceptance bank.

This will set you up for success in the spiritual growth process which leads to happiness, joy, and true love of self.

Can you recall an uncomfortable situation in your past? Are you dealing with one now? Try to visualize surrendering and accepting that feeling.  Can you share it with us with a comment below? It does help to share experiences.

How to diffuse anger in a child

Both my boys get angry at times.  They might get angry at each other or at me or my husband.

We are fairly quiet and peaceful family.  The way we speak is quiet. The television is sometimes hard to hear.  Our music is on in the background unless the kids get hold of the speaker.  When lights are on, they are low because I like to live with the rising and setting of the sun.

….and there are times when our children get loud.  And it can create frustration within me.  When I get frustrated I generally excuse myself or calmly state my frustration. When my kids gets frustrated they are loud and make it known.

Sometimes when a child get very frustrated it can turn into rage or meltdown and there is NOTHING you can do to logically talk them out of it. NO WORDS work.  Mostly because children are highly emotional and not very analytical.

One thing that always works is holding them and being with them. Loving my children during the frustration and anger and letting them know that everything is going to be okay WORKS.

This is easy to say but not so easy to do in the moment because rage and anger feed rage and anger.  So if a child gets angry, it triggers us to get angry, and then they get more angry, and it escalates which is not good for anyone.

What I have to do as the adult is to become an observer.  I have to become emotionally unattached to his/her behavior and observe his/her emotion. I can do this best when I am totally centered because I can accept best in a grounded and centered state of being.

Once I get into this state I can hold my child and love him and his anger will diffuse really fast. In fact he melts in my arms.

The practice of yoga has taught me to become an observer.  I have spent the last 16 years practicing observing my body and mind in any given pose.  I have observed every single emotion that arises within me by staying in a pose.

Just this morning I was in cross legged forward bend and my left buttock muscle was so tight.  There was so much sensation and it translated to my brain as pain.  As I observed the mind I heard “Ouch, this hurts.”  Or “I cannot handle this anymore.”  Or “get out, get out.”  Then I emotionally detached, I accepted, and breathed through and then I could feel the release happening.  I imagined myself holding it and loving it. As I did this the mind began to say, “ahh that feels better.”

It is the same in a relationship, we tend to try to make uncomfortable emotions go away.  We tend to try and say stop or how can I make it going away.  Like when a child is sad, our first reaction is don’t be sad.  What if instead we embraced it and loved it?

Want to hear more about how yoga has taught be to bond with my children?

Sign up at http://www.empoweredparenting.online  My interview is on May 1st.  There will be time for you to ask me question LIVE.  Join me and many other amazing speakers.

Have you ever become an observer in a chaotic situation? And what about the flip side..have you ever been in such a rage that words don’t work? What helped you in that situation? Take a moment and share your own experiences below.

My kitty passed on

Have you ever lost a pet when it felt way too soon?

Last week I lost my 8 month old kitty and it was way too soon. His name was Shakey Shake, short for Shakespeare and he was such an amazing cat.

I have had many cats over the years but none that were quite like him.

He was ALWAYS getting in trouble.  He liked to climb on the counters and the dinner table. He thought that every piece of furniture was a scratching post.  He climbed trees like I had never seen before. He would get stuck on the roof of the house and my husband would have to climb the ladder to retrieve him.

Our other cat, Lucy thought he was a pain in the butt.

But he didn’t care one bit.  He did whatever he wanted without fear.  When I would tell him “no” he would just look at me like, but I can’t help it!

He was sweet and loving and playful and he was a huge part of our family.

I don’t think I have ever felt this much emotion around losing a pet.  Maybe I never felt as close to one as I did with him or maybe it was truly because he was so young.  Needless to say, this week has been tough.

I really miss him. I ask him if he wants to come back even though I know it is not possible. I think about getting another kitty but wonder if I will just be looking for him.

I know death is a part of life and at some point we will all go but it is a difficult concept to accept.

I think my boys are taking it better than me.

My oldest says he would rather not talk about memories of him because it makes him sad.

My youngest feels sad and has no problem expressing it.

What I love about the experience of losing Shakespeare is that my children are getting a first hand look at what death is and what it feels like to lose someone.  I have loved our communication and the rawness of what has come up through this experience.

Last week I spoke about our open line of communication and I am going to be speaking more about it as part of a parenting class called, “Empowered Parenting: Practical Tools for Parents and School-Aged Children.”  It’s a brand new online class and features my interview, “Learn How the Teachings of Yoga Enriches Your Parent-Child Bond“.  

If you’re a parent, caregiver or teacher and want to deepen connections with your children and gain fresh perspectives, I think you are really going to enjoy this online class.

I’m honored to be interviewed as part of this series, and I am honored to be part of a group of other impressive speakers. It’s an 8-week series and it starts on April 17th.

To learn more and sign up go to: http://www.empoweredparenting.online

I invite you to join us. Even if you aren’t a parent, communication is something we all struggle with at times and I know you will take away some meaningful insights.

Do you have similar experiences with the passing of a pet or other loved one? How did you cope with the experience? Let us know on our blog how you coped with these types of experiences. It may make it easier for others.

Messy is the new cool

Messy is the new cool…

There is a lot of buzz around the idea of showing up as you are, whether it be messy or put together. By messy I don’t mean sweatpants and bed head, although that counts too and it doesn’t mean you are allowed to complain about your life.

By messy I mean coming in with the truth of what is going on with you.

When someone asks how are you? We normally respond with good. But the truth is we aren’t always good.

We are human beings and we get sad and frustrated and angry, We have a range of emotions. And in each given moment they change depending on our circumstances.

When we begin to show up in truth, in all of its imperfection and messiness, life feels easier because we don’t have to hide or pretend we have it all together or that everything is perfect.

We don’t have to pretend that kale was our dinner last night when it was ice cream or that our kids spent the day outside when really they watched tv all day and you did too.

Living in a truthful world of imperfection and messiness opens up the door for truth and messiness for all woman, men and children alike.

When we open up we allow others to do the same.

This is one of the many ways I connect with my children.  I show them what messy is by being messy.  I show up in my truth which is not always pretty and put together.  Sometimes I feel angry, resentful, frustrated.  They learn that it is okay to have these emotions and it is okay to be messy.

I am going to talk more about this open line of communication as part of a parenting class called, “Empowered Parenting: Practical Tools for Parents and School-Aged Children.”  It’s a brand new online class and features my interview, “Learn How the Teachings of Yoga Enriches Your Parent-Child Bond“.  If you’re a parent, caregiver or teacher and want to deepen connections with your children and gain fresh perspectives, this class is for you.

I’m honored to be interviewed as part of this series, and I am honored to be part of a group of other impressive speakers. It’s an 8-week series and class starts April 17th.

To learn more and sign up go to: http://www.empoweredparenting.online

I invite you to open your world to imperfection. Accepting who you are and where you are at with all of your messiness.

I accept you and I’ll meet you wherever you are at with open arms and the words “it is going to be ok no matter what”.