Listen up

My husband is a really really good listener and always has been. He is not as good at talking about himself. Maybe that is why he is such a good listener, ha! The cool thing is that he genuinely cares about what you are saying.

Listening is an art. I had to teach myself to listen and listen well. Unlike my husband I wasn’t always good at it.

I would find myself listening to people but not really fully engaging. I would be thinking about how I could relate to what they were saying or what I was going to say next. It was more about me then about the person that was talking.

When I met Eckhart Tolle, one of my teachers, he said learn to be present by listening to others talk. So I would practice. I would practice listening to others without any thought, intently listening without any judgement.

What happened was something I never really thought would happen. I began to learn a lot. I began to learn about people, about places, about adventures, about hurt and struggle, about love and hate. I began to understand the dynamics of people and how we are all alike, struggling the same, searching for the same thing, happiness and love. I began to have compassion for people in ways I had never had before. I learned about people’s desires, their wants and I began to encourage them to take risks to make their dreams come true.

And most of all I BEGAN TO LISTEN TO MYSELF. Listen to my wants, desires, dreams, struggles, pain, love, and hurt. I gained self-compassion, self-love, self-caring, and self-encouragement. I was giving to myself what I was giving to others.

And I have never turned back.

Now let me tell you this, none of this means I don’t totally enjoy talking about myself, because I do, but ONLY if the other person is willing to listen. Otherwise I would rather be the listener.

I encourage you to listen to your children, your partner, your best friend, your co-worker. Really listen and let me know how it goes for you. I would love to hear what you learn. And if you are already a good listener, share with me what you learn from listening to others. Comment below!

Love Shauna

Strike a pose

You walk into a room full of people you don’t know, you are nervous, you look around searching for something to eat or drink, you walk over to the bar, head titled down. You order and with drink in hand, held close to your body, you begin to meander through the crowd.

You walk into a room full of people you don’t know, you are nervous, you look around, see an interesting man standing by himself at the bar. You walk right up to him, head held high, and you introduce yourself.  You shake his hand and ask him what brought him to the event.

The first scenario gives you the feeling of being small.  Head down and drink held close to the body.

The second gives you a feeling of confidence, head held high and immediate shake of hand.

Two very different scenarios demonstrating the power of body language.

Recently I watched a Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist.  The title, “Your body language shapes who you are”.

She begins the talk with how our feelings show in our body language (different from the title).

So for example, when someone wins a race, they throw their hands up in the air, close fisted looking up at the sky.  This is the body’s way of showing a feeling of power.

On the other hand, when you see a person with their arms crossed in front, head down, it’s the body’s way of showing a feeling of being small.

She then goes on to say that she began wondering if we could CHANGE OUR MINDS WITH OUR BODY LANGUAGE, if we could feel powerful just by striking a powerful pose!

She concludes with a study proving that, in fact, we can change our minds and they way we feel just by changing our body language.

I found this fascinating because it got me thinking about yoga and how many different shapes we put our bodies in when we practice yoga.

Yoga helps us feel more confident, calm, balanced, flexible, present, strong….

And it is all because we strike a pose.  We put our body in positions to change our body language which in turn changes our minds.

FASCINATING!

I say we all strike many poses!

Why is life so painful

Happy Tuesday!  The other day I was teaching a class and we were in Supta Padangusthasana (Lying down, strap around foot, leg up).  A young man yelled out, “Why is life so painful?”  I responded, “Why is life so painful or why is yoga so painful?”  He said, “Both.”

It was such an interesting question, one I had not heard in my class before.  My answer was “I don’t know.” And then I preceded to answer the question of how to deal with the pain.

You are in Dog Pose, your hamstrings are killing you.  Your shoulders are tight and the teacher is telling you to straighten your legs and press your heels down and flatten your back.  You are trying but it hurts!  Yes, stretching hurts!  But if you don’t move through it, you cannot go deeper.

Instead of working against the pain, become friends with it.  Breathe through it and depth comes.

Life is the same way.  It can be painful.  We all get sad, mad, frustrated, worried, anxious, depressed at times.  Things happen.  Life happens.

You feel the pain and you get stuck there and it feels difficult to get out. Sometimes you run away from it, pretending it doesn’t exist but knowing it does.

And just like in yoga, you teach yourself to stay there, be in it, feel it, becomes friends with it, breathe through it, and let it go.  In this way, depth comes.

Maybe that is why life is painful, to teach us to go deeper.  To teach us to be in our life, whether in pain or in pleasure.

Love Shauna

If in the end we all die...

Truth be told.  In the end we all die no matter what we choose.  It is the one thing we all have in common, the one thing.

Yesterday I had a conversation about making choices and taking risks and it really got me thinking.  When we are faced with a decision, it means we have a choice.  Within those choices there are risks.

But are we really taking a risk?  If in the end, we die, how do we know we are taking a risk, how do we know whether our choices are right or wrong? What if we lived forever?  Would risk not exist.

There is no way to tell.

And what if there is a plan, what if the time of death is already planned for us?

What if your only real choice is to be in your life?  To be acutely aware of everything around you, to love unconditionally, to take care of yourself, to go for what you want, to be confident in your choices and to do what makes you feel good.

What if?!?

I wonder what the world would be like?

And one more thing…tell everyone you love just how much you love them, today, tomorrow, and always.  We all need to hear that as much as possible.

Love, Shauna

Each person is unique

Yesterday I took a walk on the beach with my beautiful friend. We like to talk about everything, but we particularly like to talk deep, really deep.

This day, we had a conversation about money and spirituality.

There is this big reality in the world of yoga and spirituality that our work should be done for a small cost.  That if you teach anything spiritual, it should be done out of service.

She had recently read a book that suggested you should not do your work for money but for the love of doing the work.

In my experience it is right to do this kind of work and make little money and it is right to do this kind of work and make a lot of money.  And it is always right to do your work for the love of doing your work.

I believe it is up to the individual.

Some people want to be famous and live in a gigantic house and others prefer a small house in the country. Some prefer speaking in front of thousands of people while others prefer writing alone.

Ram Dass a spiritual teacher who wants very little money. He has never been interested in charging for his teaching. His site is donation based.

Deepak Chopra is a spiritual teacher who charges for his work, he offers several different price points for several different services. He has a large center and he makes a lot of money.

Both are amazing well respected spiritual teachers. Both are doing their work. Both are living their truth. Both are a representation of the whole.

This not only pertains to yoga and spiritual teachers but for all of us who feel bad for wanting more than we have, like it is selfish.

It doesn’t matter whether you want a lot of money or very little money. What matters is that you know what you want so that you live in your truth and you do it with your whole heart.

Warning, this is where it gets deeper:

It is each and every individual’s responsibility to live their truth so that the universe can experience itself through each and every one of us uniquely.

Together, we will raise the bar, we will inspire everyone to want what they want, to live their truth, to do it with their whole heart, and (to make money or not.)

In this way We and the Universe are evolving.

Written with Love, Shauna

Does everything happen for a reason?

Does everything really happen for a reason?

I don’t know for sure but what I do know for sure…is…I live by…

…Everything DOES happen for a reason.  It keeps me calm, it allows me to live without getting caught up in the drama, it softens my approach to life and helps me stay present.

Yesterday my day was “supposed” to go like this. Breathing, Yoga, Work, Finances, Accountability Call, School Pick Up, Golf, Dinner, Teach Yoga.

Yesterday my day “actually” went like this. Breathing, Yoga, Work, take mom to Emergency because she fell and thought she broke her ankle. (Thankfully she did not; it is a super bad sprain).

Here is the thing, I could have gotten caught up in the drama of my day shifting and changing.  But I did not, I stayed calm, I took it as it came.  We had a nice time together, we talked and laughed. It was not wasted time, it was as it should be, perfect in every way.

Think of it like this, what if you knew the Universe had something in store for you that was extraordinary? Would you fight it? Now way! Would you be willing to miss the opportunity?  No way!

Choose to go with it, choose to know that the Universe has a plan, that everything happens for a reason and see what happens.

Can you make a plan? Yes!

Can you take action? Heck Ya!

…but then you must let it happen!

Ariana Huffington wrote, “Life is a dance between making it happen and letting it happen”

I think it sums it up perfectly.

Written with Love, Shauna

Back off, back up, be nice

The other day, a friend of mine said she hurt her back and needed help.  She said she could hardly bend over.  She asked me what to do and I said to take some time away from the gym and let it heal. The funny thing is, as I was talking with her, she was on her way to the gym.  I told her to turn around and go home but she decided to go anyway.

Now you are probably thinking she should have went home.

But you probably also recognize the feeling of being slightly better and returning to your old routine only to find yourself hurting again.

We think we are fine and that our body has healed and we don’t listen.

When you get an injury your body NEEDS to heal.  It is like getting sick.  Sometimes it takes 4 days to get over a cold, sometimes 3 weeks, depending on how bad it is.  You take vitamin C and E and eat tons of veggies. And you sleep.  But when you injure yourself, you quickly go back to your normal routine as soon as you feel a little less pain.

Learn to back off, back up, be nice to your body.  It is nice to you.  It moves you, it lives you, it does what you tell it to. Let it heal!

With Love Shauna

PS:  Yoga is a fantastic tool for learning to get deeply in touch with your body.  As you practice yoga you are developing communication between your body and mind.  As you tell your body what to do, your body responds and tells you what it needs.

Meet Mariela

You know when you meet someone who truly inspires you? A person that makes you think, I can do anything?

They are the part of the Universe that is showing us that anything is possible.

A few weeks ago I spent the weekend with a part of that Universe.

Meet Mariela…

Mariela was deployed to Iraq as a truck driver for the US army in 2004.  On December 19th, 2004 she was on a bus in Kuwait when a US soldier came into the bus to ask for some help changing a tire.

She graciously volunteered and while her and three other soldiers were changing the tire, a civilian truck driver ran over them.  Two soldiers were killed and the other two were badly injured, Mariela being one of them.

The truck ran over her lower stomach, she lost one kidney, her liver was cut in half, her right hip was dislocated.   She had a collapsed lung and broken ribs and  she suffered severe brain damage.

She was transported to a hospital in Kuwait, then to Germany, then to Washington where she lay in a coma.

The doctors said she would never wake up and if she did, she would never walk or talk.    In other words she would be in a vegetable state for the rest of her life.

Her husband decided to keep her on life support and she woke up after 8 months of laying in a coma.

After she awoke, she was transported to Livermore VA hospital and her parents decided to take over her care.

They wanted to try some alternative therapies but the VA was not supportive of that choice. In her father’s words, “…the VA had given up on her”.

They gave Mariela the gift of an alternative therapy every single day.  Yoga, Horse back riding, Cranio-sacral therapy, Vasper therapy, Swimming, Walking….the list goes on.

When she began these therapies she was not able to roll herself over, sit herself up, she was not able to move on her own.

I met Mariela one year ago, at that time she was not walking on her own but she was starting to stand with balance. She was practicing yoga on a chair.  She would sit and do yoga movements. This was a huge improvement from when she first began the practice.

Now one year later…I watched her get up and down off the floor without having much assistance. She was doing standing poses without the chair, reclined poses without much help.  And so much more.  I could not believe my eyes.  She was walking without assistance, standing in the middle of the room with no one by her side.

We even took a walk, she took a ride, through the redwood trees.  It was a 2 mile treck and she was moving her scooter like we were racing.  I kept telling her to slow down because I thought she was going to tip over.  I asked her why she doesn’t wear a helmet, she just laughed and just said, I don’t know!  Of all people, she should know to wear a helmet!

The thing is…the real thing about this story is…if you want something, if you truly want something, if everyone else is telling you, you can’t do it…Mariela is telling us that we can do it.  Our minds and bodies are so incredibly powerful. She is showing us that. She is the part of the Universe that is showing us that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

I am truly grateful to her and her dad for allowing me to glimpse into their lives.  For trusting me, loving me, and showing me I can do it!

I promise you both that I will!

Written with love, Shauna

Meditation amongst the redwoods

Last weekend I taught a retreat in Santa Cruz, CA.  Our group rented this beautiful place nestled amongst the redwood trees.  It was super peaceful and very relaxing. Every Sunday morning the Buddhists that live there teach a meditation.

We headed up to the Wish Fulfilling Temple, where they are held and we sat quietly getting ourselves ready for the 45 minute meditation.

She began asking us to sit in a comfortable position and then she asked us to close our eyes and begin to focus on our breathing.  She said to count our breaths on the inhalation, 1, 2, 3, etc. So I began to count. Inhale, 1, exhale, inhale 2, exhale, as so on.

After a few minutes of doing this, she explained that we may begin to think and if we do, she advised putting the thought into a cloud and letting it drift off into the sky.

Well, I was thinking so I put it in the cloud and let it go but it wouldn’t go.  It wanted to stay.

I wondered why?  Why did my thought want to stay so bad?  Why couldn’t I let it go?  Why was it so important to me?

I realized in that moment that the ego was holding onto the thought. It felt that the thought, that place in the future, was more important than where I was at in the moment, sitting quietly and peacefully in a temple. How could a thought be more important then where I was at?

It was a definite aha moment.  Although I have heard this before,  I REALLY GOT IT!

I got that our future and past thoughts are imaginative, they are not real.  We hold onto them because we (our ego) believes that that place, whether past or future, is better than where we are right now.

So next time you are meditating or sitting quietly or overly thinking try this:

1.  Breathe deeply and witness the thought.

2.  Take a moment to realize that it is not tangible.

3.  Take attention to your body and feel it.

4.  Know that the experience you are having right here is the only experience that is real. Everything you need, every opportunity, is right here.

With Love, Shauna

Children teach if you allow

“I am so mad I could pull my hair out.  My oldest is pushing my buttons, my youngest is yelling at the top of his lungs. I can’t handle it so I hide in my bedroom.  My oldest starts banging on the door.  My youngest joins in. I tell them I am taking a moment.  They tell me to please come out.  I sit there and I breathe and I say to myself, stay calm, everything is okay, they are just kids being kids.”

I bet you have experienced this before.  If not this, something like it.

You are totally normal!

Here is the thing…the good thing.  Children teach us how to deal with emotion.  If we didn’t learn it as a child, we will certainly learn it from our children. They will teach us which negative emotions we like (hint: the ones that come up the most).  And then they teach us how to deal with them, if we decide to let them.

Right now my boys are teaching me that I matter. That everything I do, all the fear I face, all the outbursts I have, all the love I give is worth it! I am learning through them how to be authentic, how to be imperfect, and how to love myself truly and fully.

Because when I apologize for all the imperfect things I do, they tell me that it’s okay and that they love me and that they forgive me.  And they always taking responsibility for their part as well.

This is true, not only for a parent-child relationship, but for any important relationships in our lives.

Next time you get an overwhelming feeling of emotion with your children or your partner, or any other challenging relationship in your life, do three things:

1.  Do your thing…yell, throw a tantrum, lock yourself in your room…whatever it is.

2.  Then, when you are done, get down in front of your child or your partner or your mom or best friend and tell them about your emotions.  Say something like…I know I got really upset and did such and such.  That is my stuff and it is inside me.  And it has nothing to do with you.

3.  Listen closely to what your child, partner, best friend, mom….. says.

4.  Then Repeat.

Love, Shauna